This Isn’t a Very Good Blog Post

My Whole30 experience is finally over! To celebrate, I put butter in my coffee like a friggin’ warrior this AM. The only problem is, I am incredibly congested and under-rested so I can’t enjoy today like I wanted. I’m still going to have tumbler of bourbon and pound some burritos, but without full access to my sense of smell I will feel slightly cheated. Don’t worry. I’ll make it up later.

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A Quick Update: Whole30, Trump, and Vampires

I’m pretty proud of myself, Legions of Fans. I managed to blog six straight days in a row. That’s a Miller’s Tales record, I think. During this tsunami of wisdom, I managed to cross the 100 post threshold! There will (of course) be a triumphal procession through the city to the steps of the Necropolis where the high priests will sacrifice a white dolphin to Gthog (praised be his infernal name). Once I change my bloody robes, there will be a short reception with passed appetizers. Details and guest list to follow.

Miller’s Tales now has its very own Facebook Page so be sure to ‘Like’ us. Like us good and hard.

I’ve also been posting a lot about the president lately. But I think I’ll stop now that he’s ruined ‘the Exorcist’ TV series. Unfair!

As my beleaguered beta-readers slog their way through the now finished Hungarian Demon Hunter short story, I’m outlining Zoltan’s next adventure and it’s going to involve … VAMPIRES!! So get excited for an installment or two of that.

Finally, this is my last day of Whole30 and I am so ready for a beer and some sort of delicious cheese.


Spoiler Alert: Trump is Ruining ‘The Exorcist’ TV Series

I was excited to start binge watching the FOX’s new thriller based on the William Peter Blatty classic, and then Donald Trump happened.


Courtesy of The Odyssey Online


You see, I didn’t watch the live broadcasts of the series which features Alfonso Hirrera, Geena Davis, and Ben Daniels (Mrs. Miller and I were nine seasons deep into our Cheers on-demand habit at the time). But once Cheers was finished and I had begun my Whole30 journey, I was all ‘what the hey? Let’s see what happens when demons start afflicting the good people of Chicago!’ I watched the pilot episode on Hulu and I was all ‘This is interesting. The special effects are solid, and the creators seem to be respecting the parameters and rules laid out in the original.’ I was super psyched to start devouring the rest of the series, but then Donald Trump happened.

Apparently, the 45th President of the United States started watching the series just a few days before I did, and he’s been tweeting his reactions ever since.emm47um9zz_1f42j7m

At first, I thought ‘Oh well. He’s not really a fan of the genre he’ll lose interest soon enough. Plus, he’s freaking President of the U.S.A!”

But the spoilers kept coming:


And coming:


One day, I watched three episodes in a row on my lunch break. I thought I could get ahead of this orange maniac’s unbelievably un-presidential spoilers. I was wrong.


I even went so far as to take Twitter off my phone. But then this showed up on the nightly news:


I give up.

You want more Trump?

Cause if you keep it up, more Trump is what you’ll get. James Harrington lays it out nicely here:

Ugh… I’d really hoped we were done with this. I really did. I’ve already railed about why Spider Gwen is lackluster at best, despite every will in me in the world wanting to love it. We’ve also seen how Sony and Paul Fieg’s insertion of gender politics into Ghostbusters ruined what could have otherwise been […]

via Sorry, Identity Politics Doesn’t Sell — James Harrington’s Blog of Geek and Writing

Make Way for Pain and Suffering

I’m in the final six-ish days of the Whole30 challenge and I caught a cold on Sunday. That means my number one favorite remedy, SleepyTime Tea with honey, is off the table. Yes, I drink SleepyTime Tea with honey, no I am not a 72 year old woman. But, yes the bear on the package makes me happy.


Courtesy of FeatherbyFeather

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This Week in “DUDE!”: The Lady Vanishes

In March 2016, during a live broadcast of Sports Center on Danish television network TV2, a woman appears to vanish while an athlete is being interviewed in an airport. Said woman, who is standing adjacent to a conveyor belt and near another unidentified woman, seems to exit the frame seamlessly. The rational explanation for such a […]

via Woman Seemingly Disappears During Live TV Interview — LOWLIFE MAGAZINE

Whole30 Observations 19 Days In

As some of you know, I started Whole30 on the first of the year as a sort of religious fast that didn’t involve me actually half starving myself. Nothing against the other kinds of fasts of course. Jesus was a fan of them. But in a household with two young boys where the lovely Mrs. Miller and I both work full-time, it didn’t seem fair to become weak and listless on purpose. I’ll emaciate myself in a different season of lif.

For those who don’t know, Whole30 is a program where you give up all alcohol,  dairy, sugar, grains, and legumes for 30 days. Most people do it to cleanse their bodies and identify any foods that are giving them problems er, downstairs shall we say? I did it mainly because it sounded difficult but not unhealthy. Observations and advice below:

  1. Be prepared for some intense dreams in the first two weeks. I don’t know if this is how sugary carb withdrawal works for everyone, but I certainly had a few nights where I found myself in urban zombie warfare or physically impossible car accidents. This phenomenon has since faded which suggests my body has adjusted to the new world order.
  2. Sugar and soy are in EVERYTHING. Your first shopping trip is going to be hard. I learned that 95% of the bacon on the market is cured with sugar and therefore out of bounds. That innocuous water in your canned tuna? Soy broth.
  3. Your sense of taste improves. I’ve been snacking from a sack of unroasted, unsalted pecan halves and in the past week their flavor and complexity has improved dramatically.
  4. Say goodbye to the food coma. I used to associate a food coma with a large meal. It turns out, the real cause was processed carbs and sugar. Once I cut the sugar and the grains, all I felt was full not sleepy.
  5. I miss cheese and booze. A lot. I’ve started planning my first day of back to normal like I’m invading Normandy. I found a restaurant that just serves french fries. Once I hit day 31 I’m gonna destroy it and then get a fancy growler IPA and destroy that too. I’m also looking into BBQ joints to put out of business that day.

Later, dorks.