Accepting Submissions Now: National Personal Restraint Award

We’re always giving out awards to people who do things. People who go above and beyond to write their names in eternity. War heroes, scientists, leaders, and philosophers that have saved civilizations or charted new frontiers among the stars. These men and women deserve the praise they get, but I’m not here to talk about them.

I’m here to shine a light on the people who went out and didn’t do things. I’m talking about the people who, by keeping their mouths shut and their hands folded, made our society a little more live-able.

I’m talking about the dad who gets hit real good in the eyeball with a frisbee and then doesn’t scream and swear at the 9-year-old responsible. I want a medal for him. I salute the herculean labor you undertook to keep a lid on the blinding rage.

I want a medal for the mom who doesn’t flip the table over when a teacher recommends her 7-year-old be medicated for ADHD and instead calmly questions the wisdom of  slowly replacing recess with standardized test prep. She gets a medal.

When your wife/girlfriend makes you late for the 323rd time in three years and you don’t raise your voice to the heavens in wordless frustration and then drive off into the night a la ‘Everyone Loves Raymond,’ you should get a medal!

 

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